Marauding for Dummies
by ChiyoChanxx
Summary: Harry Potter and his friends enter another ep- Well, that's nice, but this fan fiction is OLD SCHOOL. Yeah you got it, it's Marauder Era. While Volemort goes around and about killing people (aw :D) the class of 1977 has to worry up not killing each other.


Disclaimer!: Ok so I don't own AN-Y-THING! Nope. Not a thing! Durfff. If I did do you think I'd seriously be sitting here writing _fan fiction _for my own story? No way I'd be off..doing something succesful writers do.

Author's note: Ok so this is not a serious fan fiction. There fore I am not going to follow the facts of Harry Potter as if the world were end if I wrote something to contridict them. Yes so it makes is a bit AU-ish I guess. I didn't change anything dramaticly. Just I bent some details to fit the secnario. For instance I am not using Peter. I would if this was a serious fiction, but since it's not he would just kill it (No pun intended oo. He seriously would). I really have no place for him. So he's cut -snaps fingers-

* * *

_Act One, Chapter One: Remus's daughter? Or jumping to conclusions? You decide. _

Snow drifted down upon the surrounding grounds of Hogwarts. It was in the middle November and the Winter Holidays w right around the corner. Emerging from the building was a boy and a girl. The girl was extremely small barely reaching up to the boy's shoulder, who wasn't astonishingly tall himself. The girl had light red, almost orange hair pulled back into two puffy pig tails. The boy at her side has hazel eyes and wore a pair of glasses. His jet black hair was messy and wild and he was grinning.

"Hey Guys!" Hey yelled over at a group of two boys and one girl.

They turned their heads and the girl with black hair grinned "Hey jamesie." she cooed..

James looked kind of irked, yet kind of immune to the name. "'Lo..Ana...sie?" he greeted failing to come up with an annoying little nickname. Ana's eyes shifted down to the small girl.

"Jamesie who's she?"

"Oh, Hey guys everyone say Hi to Willow!-I call her Fred."

"Hi Wi-...er...or Fred." Another fifteen year old boy said. This one had sandy blonde hair and amber eyes.

"...ummm you can call me Fred, Will, or Willie." The girl piped up smiling.

"Ppphbbtt. I bet JAMES came up with those nicknames. I'm found of 'Fred', but the other's are too typical. How about..toaster? No, little toaster. Or spork how about little spork?" The other blacked haired boy named Sirius pitched in. His black hair reached down to the bottom of his ear lobs, but was more tame than James's.

Willow frowned looking up at him. "Why does EVERYTHING revolving around ME have to have 'little' in it?! I'm fifteen years old too you know?! I'm a teenager and.." she pouted "..I am NOT little...technically."

Sirius placed a hand on Willow's head. "Ok toaster oven."

"Toaster oven?" Willow winced. "Why toaster oven? How am I a toaster oven? What is a toaster oven!?"

Sirius blinked. "Uhh...you're a toaster oven because well you remind me of one and a toaster over is....um..I dunno."

"So how did you get to know such a cutie?" Ana asked referring to Willow in a sisterly way.

"Oh yeah she was helping me with my charms homework and she's so smart and funny. In fact she's in our year, but she's a Ravenclaw. So I think she should hang out with us, because she's ubber."

A silence fell among the group and they all stated at Willow with a blank expression except for widened eyes.

"Oh my god..you..you're Remmy's DAUGHTER!" Sirius said pointing at the girl.

Remus opened his mouth to say something in his defense but he was cut off by Ana "No way!" she shrieked "Then who's the mother?!"

"She's NOT my daughter." Remus yelled.

"You know I thought you trusted us to tell us something like this. At least out of respect for James I mean imagine how he must feel. Being helped with his homework by your daughter!" Sirius said without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"You guys can't be serious." Remus stated.

"Oh no we are how can a girl be so smart and not be related to you? Huh! Huh!?" Ana inquired.

Willow took a deep breath and then began to speak "In order for Remus to be my father he would have had to impregnated a girl at the age of.. Well technically he wouldn't even be a year old yet, considering we are about the same age. Which is down right impossible."

The group blinked at her.

"What's the square root of 24?" Ana blurted out looking at Willow.

"Come on Ana she won't know that she told me her parents are both wizards."

"Shh." Ana hushed James as they all watched Willow intently.

"4.898..why?"

They all stared at her. Ana turned her head to face Remus "So who's the mother?"

"He's not my dad!" winced Willow.

"Ye-argh!" yelled Remus as Ana tackled him in the snow.

"Come on who's the mother?!"

**Act one, Chapter one end**

_Act two, Chapter one: How to tell when your teacher was out partying last night._

James walked into his Charms class along with Ana, Remus, and Sirius and spotted Willow already sitting in the back.

"Hi!" She greeted them.

"Hola Willow."Ana grinned.

"So where's the teacher?" Remus asked.

"Who cares?" Sirius asked flopping down in his chair

Willow shrugged "I don't know she's not here."

"Woo we got lucky Professor Reeves isn't here yet!" James said taking a seat next to Sirius as he crumbled up at piece of paper and threw it at the Ravenclaw chaser.

Willow blinked "You call her Professor Reeves? She insisted I call her Miss Reeves. She says Professor makes her sound old and boring."

After James, Ana, and Remus took their seats in the back with Willow the talking in the class died down as Professor Reeves entered the room.

"Hic...Good evening children." She said although it was nine o clock in the morning.

She pressed her hands down stiff on the desk dropping her head. Her long dark shiny hair fell in the twenty one year old's face.

"What's up with Pro-Miss Reeves?" James asked.

Ana suppressed a giggle. "James are you that dense?"

"What?!"

"Shush! Lower your voice. Isn't it obvious she's hung over?"

"She seems drunk not hung over" James stated.

"No way. She's both." Sirius jumped in.

"Clase de Atention! Abra sus libros de texto para paginar cincuenta nueve!" (Translation: Atention Class! Open your text books to page fifty nine.)

"What did she just say?" the class whispered.

A Ravenclaw student raised her hand "Professor we can't understand you."

Miss Reeves looked up bitterly "First of all it's -hic- Miss Reeves secondly this is Spanish class so you better figure it out!"

"Uhh Miss Reeves?" Willow said raising her hand.

"Yesss?"

"This is Charms class."

"Charms? My god I thought I was in Antartica!"

Ana raised her hand "Miss Reeves are you drunk?"

"No! I swear to drunk I'm not god!!" Miss Reeves squeaked "I mean I have a hang over which means I was -hic- drunk yesterday, but I think I might have drank-urgghh.." Miss Reeves tilted over and fell to the stone floor with a loud thud.

"..Um I think we should go get Madame Promfery, James you go." Ana demanded.

"Why?" complained James.

"Because.."

James waited for her answer, but all he got was Ana throwing a large book at him. "Go you demon child!"

**Act two, Chapter one finished.**

_Act three, Chapter one: Every growing boy needs his naps._

James staggered up the steps rubbing the back of his throbbing head. At last her reached the hospital wing.

"Yes?" said a younger version of Madame Pomfery. She was at the middle state of her twenties and had her dark hair tied back into a spunky pony tail.

James opened his mouth to tell her that Miss Reeves had fainted but his hazel eyes wandered over to the soft fluffy beds.

'Jammess..' the bed called his name.

'What?' James thought.

'Come on you know you want to lay on me. Rest your head on my pillow.'

'......'James thought. 'But how can I convince her to let me?' James though to the bed.

'Tell her your sick. I mean you got to be pretty sick if a bed is talking to you.

'Doesn't that make me insane? I mean me talking to a big puffy bed..'

'Hey punk, you calling me fat?' the bed inquired.

'Uhh..no?'

'That's what I thought now come on..just ask.'

"Madame Pomfery? I'm sick see?" James stated as he faked a loud cough.

Madame Pomfery arched her eyebrows. "Yeah and I'm the queen of England."

"..uh..yeah cool. Now can I go lie down?"

Madame Pomfery stared at the ceiling. "Let me think.....no!"

"Why?" James cried.

Madame Pomfery turned the page of 'Witch Weekly' "Because apparently there's nothing wrong with you."

James inched towards the bed and suddenly Madame Pomfery's attention faded from him to an article in the magazine.

"Oh my god that is one sexy beast!"

James snickered at Madame Pomfery's use of words as he pulled the covers over him.

"Ickh! What is he doing with that little slut! I'm telling you could she possibly show any more cleavage?"

James jerked his head up. 'Note to self: Sneak into hospital wing and steal Madame Pomfery's magazine.

He removed his glasses and fell a sleep in an instant. Madame Pomfery herself was almost half asleep when an hour or two later the door flung open.

"JAMES POTTER!" shrieked a twenty nine year old Professor Mcgonagal. James snorted in his sleep and rolled over.

"JAMES GET OUT OF THAT BED RIGHT NOW!"

"No..Joel..don't take the spoon of the twilight. It's mine I say mine." James mumbled still in a deep sleep.

"JAMES QUIT YOUR BABBLING AND WAKE UP!"

James rolled directly off the bed. "ARGH I'M FALLING INTO MOUNT DOOM FRODO SAVE THE PRECIOUS!"

Mcgonagal stared at him with her hands on her waist. "Potter we have a little thing I like to call class now."

James took out an invisible bow and arrow. "Orc. Must kill orc for I am a pretty elf." he said in a half dazed voice. Professor Mcgongal gabbed him by the back of his shirt and dragged him down the hall "Noo I'm being dragged to Mordor. Hey at least I'm still a pretty elf."

In the mean time

Miss Reeves lay on the floor her legs and arms spread out and her hair in all directions. Miss Reeves sat up and jumped on the top of her desk. With her eyes shut tight in anger she yelled "Non ! Déposez le furet magique que vous n'Ltes pas digne !" (Translation (french):No! Put down the magical ferret you are not worthy!) Miss Reeves smirked and opened her eyes.

"Hey..where'd they go? HEY I NEVER DISMISSED YOU WHO SAYS I WAS DONE!?"

**Act three, Chapter one end**

_Act four, Chapter one: "E" is for..effort?_

Remus walked down the gryffindor table along with Lily Evans at breakfast. Tiredly the two prefects handed out the new schedules to all the Gryffindors. Remus reached his friends and individually handed them out to James, Ana, and Sirius like always. James casually glanced at it as he sipped on his orange juice. When he reached the end of it James spat his orange juice out all over the table.

"Potter! You freak!" Ana yelled glaring. "What the hell was that?!"

"WE HAVE ANOTHER SUBJECT LOOK!"

"Yeah it says 'P.E.' " Ana recited stating the obvious.

"What does P.E. mean!??!" Sirius groaned.

Ana laughed "Physical Education guys. It's actually a muggle subject."

"Muggle? Aww.. Why do we have to take a muggle subject?"

Ana shrugged "P.E. isn't that bad. It's basically sports."

"Sports?! Cool! At least it's not another 'history' subject woo anything that doesn't recquire actually thinking is good for me!" Sirius said excitedly.

"Yeah same here!" James declared.

Willow frowned as she passed by "I'm not good at sports."

"Neither is Remus. Guess it's father like daughter."Ana yawned.

"I'm not Remus's daughter!" Willow squealed as she headed off to catch up with her other Ravenclaw friends.

The group got up and walked down the great hall heading to their first class which was Potions. They slipped into the classroom and located themselves where they always did. In the back.

"Good morning." An old demented looking man said. "Today we will start working on our shrinking potion. Can anyone tell me what is needed in this potion?" Half of the class stared at him with a dazed expression except for Severus Snape, James, and Ana who raised their hands.

"Well it's nice to see how many of you are actually listening." he growled sarcastically "Mr. Potter, enlighten us."

"Uhh.. Some of the ingredients are..a Caterpillar, Daisy roots, Leech juice, and.."

The professor waited a moment before he pointed at Ana. "Miss Julliard do continue from where Mr. Potter left off."

"Ok, the rest of the ingredients are Rat spleen and Shirvelfig."

"Very good now I'll be breaking you all up into pairs of two. Mr. Black..you will be with Mr. Lupin."

Sirius grinned and turned to face Remus who also grinned back.

"Miss Julliard you will be with Miss Black." Ana and Narcrissa exchange evil looks and got into the pair.

"Mr. Potter you will be with Mr. Longbottom."

James glanced over at his partner and began walking over to him.

The morning basically flew by. That tends to happen when all you're doing is staring blankly into space. Finally it reached the last period in which they would discover what this "P.E." is. Lucky for them they were sharing this lovely new course with the Slytherins, and for the male population of Hogwarts, they would soon find out that P.E. is a beautiful, beautiful thing. As for the girls, it only allowed them to find out which boys were perverts and which boys were real die hard perverts.

"I don't see why we have to take a muggle course." A boy with smooth slick blonde hair who's name was Lucius Malfoy complained.

A girl with long wavy pale blonde hair giggled seductively "It might be..fun.."

Lucius smirked at his girlfriend locking arms with her.

From the other side of the grounds James Potter, Ana Julliard, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin watched the two.

"Hey Sirius?" James asked staring at them.

"Yeah?" he replied

"..your cousin..Narcissa is hott. She's a bitch but she's hot admit it!"

"Woah are you SERIOUS? I mean I can't talk about my cousin that way."

Ana glared at Sirius and squeezed is arm threateningly "You better not think of her like that, that's just freaking gross."

Sirius winced "Ow Ana I never said I liked her."

"Oh really?"

"Yes Really!" Sirius complained again.

"Yeah well what if she wasn't your cousin?" Ana inquired a smirk placed upon her lips. She was sure she could out smart Sirius in a game of 'what if'. Oh how funny it would be when he unknowingly admitted to liking his cousin. Can anyone say black mail? Cha-ching!

"Huh? Ana you're bloody crazy!"

Ana wrinkled her nose, annoyed that he caught on. Well, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

Remus blinked and opened his mouth as Ana continued to interrogate Sirius. "Hey guys isn't that Miss Reeves?" James looked up to see her walking out of the building. She wore a pair of baggy pants, a light sweatshirt and had her hair her long brown curls tied back in a pony tail. Miss Reeves grinned and said.

"Welcome class to Physical education." She greeted with a fake seemingly innocent smile. "Basically you guys need to not only be educated but physically fit. Not everyone can be on the Quidditch team and that's simply not enough." James opened his mouth to say something but Miss Reeves just glared at him so he closed it again.

Sirius groaned as the rest of the class moved in closer. The only sport he was really familiar with was Quidditch and the last time he was on a broom stick he almost died. Then again at least they didn't have to actually think he reminded himself.

Miss Reeves smirked evilly. "Ok now kiddies let's start with stretches. First with the arms." Miss Reeves showed them what to do and the observed. She started blowing her whistle and yelled.

"COME ON YOU SISSIES YOU CALL THAT STRETCHING? NOW BEND OVER AND TOUCH THE GROUND. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! AND TEN! OK NOW TOUCH YOUR RIGHT TOE! BLACK! DID I SAY SWING YOUR HANDS TWO FEET OFF THE GROUND? COME ON REACH!!!"

**Act four, Chapter one end**

_Act five, Chapter one: The boy who shouted wolf_

It was a dark and stormy night. Thunder shook the halls of Hogwarts and lightening flashed in the dark ominous skies. The grounds surrounding Hogwarts were sodden with rain and completely barren. Students poured into the Great Hall to eat their dinner meal like always. Friends talked and gossiped among one another. Laughing and whispering. Everyone sat down and so far the meal went as it always had. The hall buzzed with noise. All the students continuing to talk and laugh with their friends with the occasional patter of spoons, forks, knives, and goblets. Then a lightening struck above. Again it struck...and again..and again..and theennn BOOM thunder hit and a hufflepuff boy stood up. He cleared his throat, but still no one payed him any attention. Again he cleared his throught...and again..and again..and theennn

"WOLF!" shrieked the young boy.

Sirius blinked "That's IT!"

"That's all this section was about?" Ana yawned.

"Wow this is stupid." Remus said.

Act five, Chapter one, finished

_CHAPTER ONE FINISHED!_

"Now there will be a short intermission before the next chapter. Remember, there is NO eating, drinking, or smoking in the auditorium."

"BOO YOU SUCK!" a teenager yelled at the announcer.

"Yeah well....that's all for now." announcr bows and exits stage right.


End file.
